On Buts and Boogars

Sorry it’s been a while since I last wrote. I am going to set a goal of writing once a week, so here we are. I actually had started to write a rather serious entry inspired by a book I am finishing up – The Omnivore’s Dilemma by Michael Pollan. I put it on hold, as I am inspired to write of a few trivial events the happened to me today.

So I’ve had a rather stressful day today with the kids, nothing out of the ordinary, just the oh my god I’m going out of my mind feeling you have when you’ve spent the day with winy, cranky, screaming, screeching, demanding, unreasonable little people who refuse to take a nap.

At about 4pm this afternoon I packed us up in the car and we drove across town to pick up a birthday gift for a little friend at one of our local toy stores. After a short while Benny announces that he has to poop, so up we all go to the tiny, cramped bathroom right across from the shop’s offices on the second floor (where hencetoforth I had never seen a person emerge). The bathroom is so cramped that we leave the door open while Benny is sitting on the potty. He is four so I am still on for ass-wiping duty. Now, I don’t know about you, but my technique for wiping asses other than my own involves having my kids bend over and touch the floor so that I can have clear, easy access to the area in question. I take this responsibility quite seriously. In the midst of the wiping process, out comes a nicely dressed lady of about 55 or so and what greets her square in the face is my son’s sludgy rectum and his little testicles, and me with a perfectly balled up wad of toilet paper in hand. To make matters worse, the toilet doesn’t flush. Oh well. We accomplished our mission – gift was purchased and wrapped, and Benny had a bowel movement, the evidence of which may still be floating in that bathroom’s toilet.

On the drive back home, after a final stop to our local co-op to pick up a few groceries during which my daughter screamed the entire time with no intermission, she start screaming again. I am on the phone with my sister-in-law discussing my ailing mother-in-law so I ignore the screams until finally it’s impossible. I ask her what the problem is. “Here” she says, holding out her tiny little hand. I turn around while driving and see nothing. “HERE, MAMA!” Still, I see nothing. “I have something for you,” she says. “What is it,” I ask, not sure I really want to know. “A boogar,” she says. A boogar. Well, thanks, Alexa, what do you expect me to do with it, I think to myself. “Just wipe it on your car seat,” I counsel her. At that point I just put my head down on the wheel and start laughing uncontrollably, I’m not quite sure why.

I have lots of moments like these, as I’m sure you do, too. When I stop to think about it, I am incredulous at what my world has been reduced to while simultaneously being in awe of the enormity of the task ahead of me.

If you feel like it, please post a comment and share a story of yours. Thanks for checking in and may the toilets in your life flush and may your kids’ (and your own) boogars stay in their noses until you have a Kleenex handy.