Some thoughts on Nursing and Weaning

Greetings, everyone. I first want to thank you for taking the time to read this blog – and thanks also to those of you who wrote me via email. Please feel free to pass it along this blog address to anyone you think might enjoy it as well.

So now, down to business. Something has been on my mind lately and that is weaning (i.e. weaning my daughter from breastfeeding). Alexa and I ended our breastfeeding relationship a week ago Saturday, at my insistence, after a two year 4

month 14 day run. This is significant to me, as she is my second and last child and I will never in my life nurse a child again.

When my son was born 4 years ago, I never imagined that I would be one of “those” moms that nurses her child(ren) well into toddlerhood and into almost the preschool years. In fact, I realize in retrospect that when I imagined having kids just prior to getting pregnant with my son, I never thought further than the pregnancy and bringing home a newborn baby. I remember my mother (who of course did not nurse either of her two children - I was adopted and she had no interest in nursing my brother who is my parents’ biological child – a sign of growing up in the seventies) telling me that nursing wasn’t easy and “don’t be surprised if you can’t do it”. Well, that just made me all the more determined to do it. And while I know that some women do have issues while establishing breastfeeding, I did not. It was effortless with both of my children, my only difficulties being a few mild cases of mastitis.

My nursing relationship with both children evolved from one of physical nourishment when they were babies to emotional nourishment as they grew into toddlers and sought my breasts much like I seek chocolate whenever anything doesn’t go my way or I get an “owie”. I loved nursing them when they were babies – their sweet little suckling faces, their bodies curled around my midsection, the peace that overcame them and lulled them into a deep slumber, them never once ceasing to suckle. They could literally nurse at one breast for two hour stretches until I was bone dry and left with a melon on one side and a lemon on the other. That period of time was so sweet.

But then from about 10 months to age two, the nursing relationship gradually changed until finally it annoyed the living sh%t out of me and I could no longer tolerate it. All of those sweet memories were forgotten. All I could think was, dear lord, get this child off of me NOW or I will scream. Nursing became a power struggle of me trying to reclaim the right to my body and them trying to retain it. I was a human pacifier with both children. I can’t stand for ANYONE to touch my breasts, husband included.

I’d like to say that the reason I nursed for so long is because I am a staunch adherent to attachment parenting, but the truth is my parenting philosophy is more like “let’s just get through this day”. And nursing helped all of us get through the day. I just wasn’t up for the fight that I thought weaning would cause. So I swallowed all of the negative feelings that nursing my 2 and 3 year olds induced in me until I could stand it no more.

When I went through the weaning process (more on that in a second), I truly realized just how resilient children are. Like most things in life, the anticipation was far worse than the reality and both children weaned without incident. The “process” involved telling them on, say, a Monday that on Saturday we would be all done with “mimis” (pronounced mee-mee, their name for nursing and breasts). The first day there were tears and then nothing after that. They were fine, I was fine. That lesson was priceless as we contemplate the many changes and moves toward independence that we’ll face as they and we (their parents) grow up.

And how is life 11 days post “mimis”? GREAT, from my perspective! Sometimes I miss the idea of breastfeeding, the idea that my body is making breast milk, but the act of nursing? I’m over it! It feels so strange and wonderful to have reclaimed this piece of myself and to move on to the next phase, whatever it will bring. My relationship with Alexa has really improved – she will allow me to cuddle her when she previously would have asked for “mimis”, and we have eliminated one of the many sources of power struggle. AND, I can eat sushi again! From Alexa’s perspective, I assume everything is peachy. She almost never asks for “mimis” anymore and is easily distracted when she does. She will also say that she’s a big girl and big girls don’t have mimis, although occasionally she says she doesn’t want to be a big girl and wants to be a baby. Mostly she wants to be a big girl. We’re all ok.

By the way, the title for the picture above is "Bitch and her Pups". Thank you for checking in with me and have a splendid day!